thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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