I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
