I can text with my tongue
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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