I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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