Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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