haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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