I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
