I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
