Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
