and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you never un-have a 4some
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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