so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
