Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
