in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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