OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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