I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
