Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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