haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
