but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
