worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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