we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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