i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
