oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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