3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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