Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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