just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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