Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
