I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
