i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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