i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
