is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
