I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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