I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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