I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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