how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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