wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
