I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
