i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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