How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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