She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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