The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
