im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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