Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
