Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
