I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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