your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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