i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
