I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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