Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
