What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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