i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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