I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
