Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
